So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
