I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
