are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
