And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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