Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
