omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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