okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
