I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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