I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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