Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
