I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
