My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
