Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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