I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I met the friendliest cop last night
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
