Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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