worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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