Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize