I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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