he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
me + whiskey = a bad person
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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