what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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