if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My nipple is on Facebook.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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