we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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