I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
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