i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
