Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
