wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
