Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
