I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
