im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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