he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
