allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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