This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
