she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
