I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
