just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You're like the curious george of whores
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
