I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
