feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
