How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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