you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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