Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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