and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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