college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
