So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
