I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
