it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
