you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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