Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
