you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
