I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
