I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
