I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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