on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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