we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
