Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
