I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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