A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
