I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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