We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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