Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
