So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
