Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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