Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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