you would pick up someone in the library
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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