I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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