My sheets look like a crime scene.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
