mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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