This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
