how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
