Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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