I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
