the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
