My nipple is on Facebook.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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