Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
