I think i peed on brittanys purse
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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