I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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