I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
