Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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