I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
