I want to have your abortion
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
