Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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