ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
